In the Same Boat

Hey fam

Sorry for that downer of a post last time. This autumn has been going great, seeing lots of friends, and Anna but realizing Thanksgiving was basically right around the corner, up really hit me.

But good news, Anna and I met for a coffee catch-up earlier tonight. It’s so cozy hanging with her, no matter where we end up.

I told her how much I wasn’t looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Anna’s response really settled me … she feels the same way about seeing her family…See, she’s got her own storm brewing – her family unfairly laying the blame of her divorce at her feet, as if the end of her marriage was a one-woman show.

That nagging dread that had been hanging over me like a cloud started to back off, making space for a bit of calm in that shared moment.

We talked, like really talked. About all those heavy expectations, the letdown from the people who should have had our backs. I let out all my frustrations about the silent, and not so silent, judgments for bailing on grad school, for choosing a path that strayed from the family plan.

Anna dished her hurt, the cold shoulders, the low-key digs about her divorce, as though she installed Tinder on her husband’s phone for him.

We didn’t really resolve anything. Didn’t find the magic key to lock up our families’ expectations and judgments. But it was nice to share this with Anna. We shared some cringe stories from previous years’ family get-togethers and laughed at each other’s suffering.  It felt freeing.

And Anna’s laugh? Totally catchy. Her spirit, holding strong despite her battles, lit up my night.

(Back — just had to yell at my roommate to clean up his mess for once, ffs)

Anna and I swapped tales from past holidays. The insane comments from out-of-touch aunts, the overcooked turkeys resulting in impromptu pizza meals, the accidental revelations of family secrets, each anecdote adding a hue of humor and perspective to our chat. It’s like we were weaving together the past and present, a reminder that we had survived those moments, and this upcoming one wouldn’t be any different. Maybe 2023 would just be another year to laugh about, down the road.

As much as I couldn’t shake my own personal dread…poor Anna.

Anna really opened up, about her anxieties about the whispers, the pitying glances,, the uninvited opinions on her personal life. It felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, staring down at the swirl of chaos below.

But as we talked, we both started to feel a bit better – we were in this together.

We played out the worst and best-case scenarios. There’s something liberating in sharing your fears,, especially with someone non-judgey, who probably shares similar fears.

We might not have the perfect map for the journey ahead, but we had something better – our friendship, someone to share the bumps with, the rude family questions, and the just wanting the holiday to be over.

When we were settling up the bill, a plan sort of developed spontaneously…

What if we just said no?

No to the family dinners steeped in judgment and unsolicited advice. No to the polite nods at uninvited opinions about our lives. And for Anna, no questions about, any more word on the reasons her husband left her?

What if we chose to celebrate the holiday our way, free from expectations and judgment.

What if we did it our way – said no it all. And found our own way to redefine Thanksgiving. To hell with family traditions, this year.

And you know what? It felt just right.

K.